Living Life on Purpose

Life happens regardless of how intentionally we live.  The difference is; when we live on purpose, we navigate across the ocean of life instead of drifting into the nearest current.

Living life on purpose looks a lot like passion, freedom and clarity.

Living life accidently looks reactive, impulsive, and avoiding anything uncomfortable.

Sometimes life moves quickly, and seasons of life go on for longer than we intended.  It can be years before looking back and realizing how much life has gone by.  These moments of reflection can show us the ways we have grown and changed, but sometimes they can also be milestones we look back and ask, “what if?”  We can look back on the forks in the road and wonder how different our life would be if we had taken that job or made that move or never met that person.  At the time, we made those decisions for a reason, or some outside circumstances made the decision for us.  But when too many moments go by where it was just the next natural step or it was the comfortable and logical decision… well, sometimes we end up living a very different life than we once imagined.  Maybe things are great, and everything worked out to be sunshine and rainbows, or maybe things have landed in a pretty dark place and it seems like there has been a rain cloud stalking you for a while now.  I think for most people, its somewhere in between.  There are things in life that worked out really well and other things that we wish were different.

Some things happen as a direct result of the decisions we make, and other things happen outside of our control.  Some people are planners and have all that can be controlled in life lined up and scheduled to the best of their ability, they have the 3, 5 and 10-year plan all mapped out.  On the other hand, we have the free spirits, the go with the flow fellows who follow the direction of the wind and make the most of whatever is around them. But living a life on purpose is a little less about personality traits and a lot more about being intentional about what you want your life to be about.  Do you know the things that are important to you? Do your actions align with the things you want your life to be about? Do you invest your time strategically? Are you growing where your feet are?

I think living life on purpose can be broken down into a few specific actions:

1.     Define your values

2.     Make value based decisions

3.     Invest time strategically

4.     Grow your roots

Defining your values is where it all starts.  Your values set the direction of your life and if you don’t know what is important and what is most important, you are like a ship with no heading.  What do you want most? Why do you want that in your life? What does that answer tell you about what is most important to your heart?  Define your values and be strategic in what words you use. When you can put on paper the things you want your life to be described by, you have put in the work for step 1.

Make value-based decisions.  Prioritize your values and what those things tangibly look like.  Some values may be centered around family, others around your skills and others around different interests and passions you have. What takes the priority? Make these decisions when you have some time to find a park bench and have a clear mind.  That way when things come up and life gets a little crazy, you can walk out a decision you have already made. You aren’t thinking and trying to prioritize in the moment.  Impulse can talk you out of a value if you do not have a decided heart.  Also take a serious look at how you spend your time and make sure you have a little time set aside every day to live out a habit that coincides with each of your values.  Make sure your time and your values are in alignment or you will live a life full of internal conflict.

Invest your time strategically. Your time is so limited, and it is crazy to spend your time without much thought or intention. Use the resource of time just like you would be investing for retirement or saving for a big goal.  Spend it on things that will give you a return and stay away from the things that will leave you in the negative with little to show for it.  Find high return activities.  Things that you finish doing and are so glad that you did. Things you are proud you spent the time to do!  This is anything from investing time to learn something new, to some time spent having a meaningful conversation with a friend over coffee. This is stepping out to reconnect with someone you lost contact with and doing the thing that you have needed to do for a few weeks now but have been putting off. Eliminate things that have zero return on investment or worse have a negative output in your life.  When we continue to do things that put us in a funk or make us feel terrible, we are literally trading the most valuable resource we have been given, to spend more time dealing with negative repercussions on that bad investment. Get out of the cycle, break the addiction, make different choices and get some help if you need to. Life is too short not to!

Lastly plant some roots. I have lived in 3 states over the past 4 years, worked with a lot of different people, been a part of quite a few communities and one thing I have found to be true is, when you wait to grow roots it hurts you the most.  I think there are a lot of people in the world right now asking the questions “is this where I am supposed to be?”, “what am I am meant to be doing?”  “What is my calling/passion/purpose?”. These are good questions to ask, but when we ask these questions non-stop in our mind, we always stay half invested in the present leaving us with glazed eyes and distanced from the people, opportunities, and moments in front of us.  If only for today, you are where you are supposed to be.  Maybe it IS time for a change, but for today stay invested.  Until your time is up, you are where you are supposed to be; and if you are there today, your time isn’t up.  So lean in, and give some purpose and conviction to the things in front of you. Invest in the things next under your feet and grow some roots… if only for today!

The choice is yours and mine on what we do now. If we set the day to autopilot, or if we remember our values and find ways to bring those things into action.  We can stay comfortable on our heels in the background or we can take the next step in life we are constantly invited into.  At the end of our life, I think we will care much more about how we lived than what we lived.  We will care more about how we treated and cared for the people around us more than the names of the people around us. Today is the day. Go Live!

Closing the Gap Between Belief and Action

Complacency kills too many dreams.

The fastest way to get complacent is to learn and do nothing about it.  If you know better do better. 9 times out of 10, this is easier said than done. After all, Newton was right in so many ways when he found that objects at rest want to remain at rest and when it comes to people and life; when we feel stuck, it can seem impossible to get un-stuck.

The opposite of complacency is growth, and while I believe complacency comes from learning and doing nothing about it. I believe true growth comes from closing the gap between what you know and what you do.  The smaller the space between belief and action, and the more momentum and growth you will have in your life.

The thing is, when you learn new information, your mind is forced to put it through 3 filters:

1.     Belief

2.     Understanding

3.     Navigating Barriers

When you go through all three, you move forward. However, anywhere along the way, you may get caught up limiting the action you take.

If you believe it, you understand what you need to do about it, and you can navigate the obstacles to make it happen, you will change. You will grow. You will move forward. If you don’t truly believe it, game over. If you believe it, but don’t understand what to do about it, game over. If you believe it and know what to do about it, but don’t know how to navigate the obstacle… game over.

You need all three for real and lasting change!

I overheard a question asked the other day: “If you could put on a magic sweater that gave you a gift, what would it be and how would you use it to help others?”

My answer would be: To never forget what I learn and share those lessons with the people around me.

Sometimes I find myself having to relearn things I thought I had already grown through. Other times, I find myself looking up to the person I used to be because I respect the actions I use to take more than the actions I am currently taking. This all comes down to one simple thing: The space between what we believe and the action we take. The bigger the gap between belief and action, the more stuck we are.  The smaller the gap, the greater the momentum we feel in our life.

I think our society identifies this as passion most of the time. We see a young person who learns about an injustice in the world around us, drops everything, moves across the country, sacrifices everything they own for a specific cause just weeks after really diving into it. We say, WOW!!! They are so passionate about _____.  There is a respect there, because despite the cause, they put their money where their mouth is.  They eliminated any space between what they believe and what they did.  Those things became indistinguishable. They live the cause, they identify as the cause, and they can’t sleep without doing something because of it!

PASSION.

Normally maturity is mistaken for the median. We see maturity as an even state of being. A stable and sedentary attitude that is never over the barrier between passion and abandon.  It’s okay to show passion as long as it doesn’t go too far. It’s okay to believe in something as long as it doesn’t demand drastic action; that would be reckless! There is a pressure to find the edge of authentic freedom and live just within it, so that we can keep the respect of our piers without making them too uncomfortable.  The only problem is that the space of comfort is the gap between what we believe, or want to believe and what we are willing to act on.

SO… The big question becomes what do we do? What does this mean? How can I grow in a healthy way that doesn’t uproot everything in my life?

Reverse engineer the 3 filters our mind puts new information through.

1.     Desire/Belief. What do you really believe?  Are you willing to own it? Are you willing to think through it, talk through it and go through the process of understanding not only what you believe. But how you believe it and why you believe it?

 2.     Understanding. Do you understand what to do? Like do you really know how to put it in practice? Do you know what tools you need to develop and how to develop those tools to support what you know?

 3.     Navigating Barriers. Some of these barriers are real and some of them are excuses.  Do the work and trash the excuses. And for the real barriers that remain, it’s time to take one next step. If one step seems too big right now, take a shuffle.

 Order matters with this. Start with your desire/belief and make sure what you want to move forward with you truly believe in. Next work through what you need to understand to move yourself forward and when those two things have been done, look at what your next step is to overcome any obstacles in your way.

 In coaching, this is my same philosophy: When someone is not making a correction, it is one of three reasons:

1. They don’t believe the correction will help or they don’t want to make the change for another reason such as fear.

2. They don’t understand the correction or how to apply the change.

3. They are physically unable to do what I am asking in which case it is time to take a step back and give them the tools to be stronger more flexible, etc.

Knowledge is sight to your path and when you act on that knowledge you give yourself forward momentum.

Don’t lie to yourself though, if you don’t truly believe it or want to change, own it! If you don’t understand it, own it! And if there is an obstacle you are unwilling to face right now, own that also!  When you are willing to own it, you are also limiting the space between what you believe and what you do.

The crazy reality is, there never is space between what you believe and what you do. Only between what you say you believe and what you do. So, look at your actions and measure them against your words. Find the space and do the work on 1. Desire & Belief 2. Understanding 3. Navigating Barriers.

Show me what you do, and I will tell you what you believe. You don’t believe the exercise is that important. You don’t believe the unforgiveness is a bigger burden to you. You don’t believe the alcohol is killing you. You don’t believe it is worth the trouble of that hard conversation.

You think it is all okay… but you have forgotten that time is short my friend. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and the moments we have today are the most precious we have, because they are the moments we can do something about.

Close the gap. Go Live

The Power of Resiliency

Resiliency tends to be an underrated opportunity to build confidence and happiness.

Resiliency builds confidence, a confidence that you can not only survive the challenges in front of you, but that you can come out better because of it. Opposition doesn’t intimidate resilient people, it energizes them. They know that they will come out from this challenge with a new set of skills and that their current skill set will be sharper because of it.

Resiliency builds happiness, a happiness that isn’t fragile. A calm, warm joy that comes from knowing that life is a blessing regardless of circumstances and any obstacle that arises is simply an opportunity to see the world in a new way.  This happiness also comes from a place of security, because whatever unknowns come their way doesn’t determine if they are going to be okay. They have already decided they will make it through, and nothing will be insurmountable.  They already know how the story ends; they know they make it through.  It is not an IF in their mind, simply a HOW they make it through that is unknown.

Experience with bigger problems make small problems look trivial and bite sized. Those who have never experienced bigger problems view trivial problems as a really big deal and get overwhelmed easily. Resilient people see obstacles as an opportunity and have confidence that they will overcome anything that comes their way.

Resiliency keeps perspective. There are a lot of “tough” people that lack resiliency. Toughness is the ability to withstand opposition. Resiliency is the ability to navigate it. Toughness locks down, resiliency moves through. Toughness wrestles opposition, resiliency dances with it. Resiliency is a mindset that is nimble. It dodges, negotiates, adapts and decides. Resilient people don’t freeze when life gets inconvenient. They take a breath, are curious, look beyond the surface of the situation, and tactfully move forward.

People with low resiliency have a victim mentality. They struggle to take ownership and are quick to assume people are against them or claim its their “bad luck”. They struggle to see opportunities whenever plans change or something falls apart. It is challenging for people with low resilience to listen to others’ challenges, because if their challenges are greater than their own, it makes them feel insecure. It is easier for them to avoid it altogether.

So… How do we build resiliency?

1.      Get outside your comfort zone!

You must push beyond what makes you feel safe to have the opportunity to overcome greater things. Climb the hill today so you can climb the mountain tomorrow. If you turn around when things go beyond what you’ve handled in the past, you have stayed in your comfort zone.  When you see or are given an opportunity and your reaction is “I can’t do that because I’ve never done it before.” or “I hope they don’t ask me to do that because I may mess up”, your fear is keeping you inside your comfort zone. Resiliency is strengthened in the garden of growth outside the comfort zone.

2.     Skip the comforts!

It doesn’t have to be every comfort, but if you live to make life as easy as possible, you are actively working against building your resilience.  You don’t have to go straight to sleeping on the floor, waking up at 3am and only cold showers just for the sake of it being uncomfortable.  But maybe it is skipping the comforts of hitting the snooze button, having a drink at the end of every long day, or the comfort of making the decision to make your bed based on how you feel that day. Maybe it’s skipping the comfort of TV time when you know you should put on your running shoes and getting outside or skipping the comfort of Uber eats to cook a quality dinner.

When you are willing to build resiliency by stepping over small challenges daily, you are already building the habit of overcoming challenges that are unexpected. Your reaction will be to adapt and overcome.

3.     Build Perspective!

Do you have any reminders of the things that made you who you are? Or any reminders of your values and what you stand for? Sometimes we slip when we lose intention in our days and let life happen to us. The more reactive we are, the weaker our resiliency muscle gets.  When we have reminders in our life through notes, friends, leaders, or faith, it gives us a correct widow to view the world.

If you want to stay who you have always been and value comfort over growth, maybe resilience isn’t something to work on. But the happiness and confidence that comes from a resilient mindset changes the way you take on life and unlocks so many layers of opportunity and growth that have the ability to change the trajectory of your life.  Resilient people are enjoyable to be around because they do things others are not willing to do. Nothing is too big of a deal, so they are rarely stressed about things no one will remember a few days from now.

Dare to do things you haven’t done. You are stronger than you think and have some incredible opportunities already in front of you. Don’t believe any doubts that say “you don’t have what it takes” and that “you’ll never change”. Those are lies that don’t deserve your attention. Take one step today and one more tomorrow. Go live my friends!

Be Alive Wherever Your Feet Are

Life is too short to have your feet in two places at the same time and too long to keep your feet in the same place for all of it.  We should strive to be progressively present; meaning, we are completely present where we are as we move forward through life. How often do we hear, “I don’t know where the time has gone!” or “life is a whirlwind right now.”? When our focus is on progress and moving forward, it is easy to miss the small things along the path that make the journey worth it. On the other hand, if we sit down and stop traveling along our path, even with all the appreciation in the world for the things around us, we will never receive the gift of experiencing the little wonders the rest of the journey has for us. It is the habit of being where our feet are while keeping our eyes on the road ahead.

So the big question is, how do we make sure we don’t miss this life that is passing by right in front of our eyes?

1. Triangulate

   I grew up on the coast in Florida and loved surfing any opportunity I had in High-school. The first time I ever went surfing was with a buddy who had extra board and most of the time was spent paddling around, somehow always seemingly to be in the wrong place to catch a wave. I would see a nice wave and immediately paddle over to where it just crashed just in time to turn around and see another big wave in a different spot. Most of the day I felt like I was just chasing waves, and while others seemed to effortlessly be in the right place at the right time, I was exhausted and only getting lucky with a few sub-par waves. The second time I went surfing was with a mentor who had been surfing for years and after paddling out, one of the first things he said to me was “you need to learn how to triangulate. Find your surf break, then find a reference point so you can make sure you are not drifting.” he pointed out a blue umbrella on the beach and the 3rd notch in the pier’s railing. The blue umbrella was my latitude reference point and the notch in the railing was my longitude reference point. When I caught a wave, I knew the exact spot to paddle back out too. I had a couple things outside of myself that gave me feedback if I was drifting. If got distracted somewhere along the way and ended up outside the break, I now knew how to get back on track. I wasn’t having to guess if it was the right spot and I wasn’t chasing after a new spot when I saw someone else catch a good wave.

   When we find reference points in life, we are able to get back to the place we need to be. For some of us it is a true friend who is able to see right through us. For others, it shows up in other areas of life like exercising, reading, or something as small as making our bed. If we are in a healthy place those things are happening, but when we start to notice them being compromised, it is our warning sign that we have drifted a little bit are not putting ourself in the place to catch the wave.

2. Appreciate the little things:

   Another way we can become more present is being thankful for what is right in front of our face. It brings the present into focus. It is impossible to be truly thankful for something in front of you, if you are checked out or living with your mind in the past or the future. It’s no secret that there is power in generosity and appreciation. When we appreciate something or someone, we are more likely to be generous with our time, assumptions, and attention. In doing so, what we are giving ourselves too, become more rewarding for us as well.

   My wife and I have a puppy who loves attention. If I am sitting on the sofa next to our little Italian Greyhound and I am on my phone ignoring her, she will either come lay down on top of my arms or paw the phone right out of my hand. If I set the phone down and give her a few minutes of attention, she obviously loves it, but its a rewarding experience for me as well. If I continue to ignore her, normally she reverts to chewing on something she isn’t supposed to, as a more desperate form of looking for attention. This is an over simplified example, but people know when they are a priority and when we are just being given lip service. One interaction at a time, we either strengthen the relationship and build trust, or we push them away and continue to drift further out of the present.

3. Living All In:

   I don’t believe there is a lack of desire to be successful, happy, fulfilled… fill in the blank of whatever you want most. However, I do think sometimes there is a lack of belief that it is the right thing. Let me explain; anything meaningful in life requires sacrifice and normally the bigger the goal or ambition, the bigger the sacrifice. Sacrifices can be small, but they are the comforts of our everyday life. The ambition of going back to school, but the sacrifice of your time and money. The ambition of going after that fitness goal, but the sacrifice of being sore, putting your body in challenging situations and having to prioritize nutrition and recovery. If you have complete conviction about your goal, it makes even the hardest sacrifices easier, but if we have an ounce of doubt, the things we give up are much harder. I think most of us have some sort of reservation about if what we are in pursuit of is worth all the sacrifice or only when we are motivated. If we are only partially invested, we can keep some of the comforts and sacrifice when it is convenient. That way, in the end, if we fall short of the goal or worse, we achieve it and it isn’t what we hoped it would be, at least we didn’t give up all our creature comforts along the way. This thinking is the highway to mediocrity. It is the definition of average and normal. But nothing great in life was achieved through convenience, comfort, and only doing things when we want to. Maybe it is worth taking some time to really think about what we believe in and what is worth it in the end and then move forward being all in on those things. What we chose to dedicate our time to is important, but it could be even more important to be see that how we chose to interact with the things we say are important shape who we are. Living all in become the moments that make you feel alive, and even if you do fail or fall short, you know you didn’t say yes to the catastrophe of living half alive.

Life is too short to have your feet in two places and too long to keep your feet in the same place for all of it.  Triangulate to be where the waves are crashing, appreciate the little things in front of your face and go live a life that is all in.

It is a gift to be alive! Live well my friends.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

It's a fun question to ask kids because you never know what answer you're going to get... a dinosaur, princess, football player, mom, dog, etc.  The list goes on and on of all kinds of answers we have heard in response to the timeless question.  One of the best thing about kids is scientific boundaries don't exist yet, anything is possible for them, even being a dog.  For them, a dog may truly be what they want to be when they grow up because they see their dog as: happy, loved, excited about life, and fun to be around.  What more can a kid want in life right!?!  Subconsciously they are telling us WHO they want to be.  The meaning behind the answers is more meaningful than the answers themselves.  The underlying WHO is greater than the irrelevant WHAT.   When kids say they want to be a dog when they grow up, I don't think they are trying to pursue WHAT life as a dog looks like; running around on all fours, barking at the mail-man, and drinking water out of a toilet.  

Do we see people for WHAT they are or for WHO they are?  It's hard sometimes to look past the messy fur, smelly dog breath and "dirty paws of life" so-to-speak to see someone with a caring heart that wants to encourage, inspire, or comfort.

Some of WHAT we are, we can control.  Other things are given to us genetically or situationally.  So if we shift our focus onto WHO we are, our identity is secure, regardless of the situation. This is where the real difference is.  The WHAT's in life can change in an instant.  Health, Wealth, Job, Title, fill in the blank.... But WHO we are is stronger than the circumstances of life.  Like they say... life is 10% WHAT happens to you and 90% WHO you are because of it.

WHO we choose to be will naturally lead our actions toward WHAT we do.  However, WHAT we want to be is not strong enough to support the weight of the identity of WHO we are.

So... WHO do you want to be?

Every Adventure Starts With a Single Step

And here is my first step...

January 6th, 2014 I posted a picture on Instagram with the caption "It's never too late to be what you might have been. #golive" This was the start of The Go Live Project.  I didn't know it at the time, but the birth of a movement and a lifestyle was born that day, the mindset to make the most of every single day and not to simply live, but to GO LIVE.

The Go Live Project is my "First Step" into an adventure that leads to places I do not know... After all, If you knew everything that was going to happen, it wouldn't be an adventure at all.  The dream, and motivation behind starting this project is to inspire action.  Not to simply settle with wherever you currently exist, but to find those things in life that mean the most to you and pursue them.  I recently told a friend about the vision for The Go Live Project, and they asked me "What are you doing about it?" You see... I had done a lot of thinking, but no doing.  I had done lots of dreaming, and for quite some time, but had yet to take my first step.  5 days later, The Go Live Project now has a Website, Instagram and Facebook all with the hopes of inspiring and motivating a community of people who are not content with existing, but are ready to go and live. This was my first step, what will yours be?