Resiliency tends to be an underrated opportunity to build confidence and happiness.
Resiliency builds confidence, a confidence that you can not only survive the challenges in front of you, but that you can come out better because of it. Opposition doesn’t intimidate resilient people, it energizes them. They know that they will come out from this challenge with a new set of skills and that their current skill set will be sharper because of it.
Resiliency builds happiness, a happiness that isn’t fragile. A calm, warm joy that comes from knowing that life is a blessing regardless of circumstances and any obstacle that arises is simply an opportunity to see the world in a new way. This happiness also comes from a place of security, because whatever unknowns come their way doesn’t determine if they are going to be okay. They have already decided they will make it through, and nothing will be insurmountable. They already know how the story ends; they know they make it through. It is not an IF in their mind, simply a HOW they make it through that is unknown.
Experience with bigger problems make small problems look trivial and bite sized. Those who have never experienced bigger problems view trivial problems as a really big deal and get overwhelmed easily. Resilient people see obstacles as an opportunity and have confidence that they will overcome anything that comes their way.
Resiliency keeps perspective. There are a lot of “tough” people that lack resiliency. Toughness is the ability to withstand opposition. Resiliency is the ability to navigate it. Toughness locks down, resiliency moves through. Toughness wrestles opposition, resiliency dances with it. Resiliency is a mindset that is nimble. It dodges, negotiates, adapts and decides. Resilient people don’t freeze when life gets inconvenient. They take a breath, are curious, look beyond the surface of the situation, and tactfully move forward.
People with low resiliency have a victim mentality. They struggle to take ownership and are quick to assume people are against them or claim its their “bad luck”. They struggle to see opportunities whenever plans change or something falls apart. It is challenging for people with low resilience to listen to others’ challenges, because if their challenges are greater than their own, it makes them feel insecure. It is easier for them to avoid it altogether.
So… How do we build resiliency?
1. Get outside your comfort zone!
You must push beyond what makes you feel safe to have the opportunity to overcome greater things. Climb the hill today so you can climb the mountain tomorrow. If you turn around when things go beyond what you’ve handled in the past, you have stayed in your comfort zone. When you see or are given an opportunity and your reaction is “I can’t do that because I’ve never done it before.” or “I hope they don’t ask me to do that because I may mess up”, your fear is keeping you inside your comfort zone. Resiliency is strengthened in the garden of growth outside the comfort zone.
2. Skip the comforts!
It doesn’t have to be every comfort, but if you live to make life as easy as possible, you are actively working against building your resilience. You don’t have to go straight to sleeping on the floor, waking up at 3am and only cold showers just for the sake of it being uncomfortable. But maybe it is skipping the comforts of hitting the snooze button, having a drink at the end of every long day, or the comfort of making the decision to make your bed based on how you feel that day. Maybe it’s skipping the comfort of TV time when you know you should put on your running shoes and getting outside or skipping the comfort of Uber eats to cook a quality dinner.
When you are willing to build resiliency by stepping over small challenges daily, you are already building the habit of overcoming challenges that are unexpected. Your reaction will be to adapt and overcome.
3. Build Perspective!
Do you have any reminders of the things that made you who you are? Or any reminders of your values and what you stand for? Sometimes we slip when we lose intention in our days and let life happen to us. The more reactive we are, the weaker our resiliency muscle gets. When we have reminders in our life through notes, friends, leaders, or faith, it gives us a correct widow to view the world.
If you want to stay who you have always been and value comfort over growth, maybe resilience isn’t something to work on. But the happiness and confidence that comes from a resilient mindset changes the way you take on life and unlocks so many layers of opportunity and growth that have the ability to change the trajectory of your life. Resilient people are enjoyable to be around because they do things others are not willing to do. Nothing is too big of a deal, so they are rarely stressed about things no one will remember a few days from now.
Dare to do things you haven’t done. You are stronger than you think and have some incredible opportunities already in front of you. Don’t believe any doubts that say “you don’t have what it takes” and that “you’ll never change”. Those are lies that don’t deserve your attention. Take one step today and one more tomorrow. Go live my friends!